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Generally speaking, when we experience constant problems in a loving relationship, we tend to feel disappointed and discouraged with some scenarios that we see around and beyond us. Some couples feel powerless when watching their once promising relationships get sucked into a downward spiral that often results in separation. Others, however, make use of some strategies that frequently bring their harmony back. This text is about tips on some of these strategies.


The first one is related to the couple’s sex life. Usually, when improving their sex lives, some couples have their satisfaction levels increased. Thus, some possible points for change may include reserving more time for intimate moments together; adding new stimuli on these occasions, such as songs they both enjoy, massage oils, scented candles to decorate and perfume the environment; devoting more time to exchange caresses before going to bed; and other possible changes.
Another tip is to shift the focus. Sometimes, a member of the couple focuses excessively on the partner´s behaviors that bother them. The wear and tear produced by this excessive focus can be intensified even more when there is also an attempt to modify the partner, usually in order to change them into a “better person”. Instead, the idea would be to try to perceive oneself a little more and put into practice new ways of doing things, so as to create an atmosphere of greater harmony to the couple. Behaviors with the function of valueing the partner tend to provide this type of atmosphere and the suggestion would be to replace exaggerated and constant criticism with a higher degree of affection, appreciation and acceptance of the beloved one. The habit of constantly criticizing the inadequacies of the person with whom one shares a life with can lead to the weakening of the emotional bond.
Another point is not to dwell much on resentment. The habit of bringing out unpleasant events of the past tends to activate negative emotions, which can reduce the couple’s well-being. One should do one´s best to replace the habit of talking to dwell on old resentments with the habit of talking to solve problems and live with presence the moments of intimacy that pass and do not come back. The idea here would be to direct one´s attention to the present moment, which is the only time that exists. When they are fully aware of what happens in the here-and-now, couple members can see, hear, touch, smell and taste each other, each time, in a single, unique and unrepeatable way. The increased frequency of occurrence of this type of experience tends to strengthen the emotional bond.
This text is merely informative and does not intend to exhaust the subject. If you have the need to have questions answered or to solve problems in your love relationships, I suggest that you look for a psychotherapist who has theoretical knowledge and practical experience in the field.

Written by Psychologist Alexandro Paiva.

Clinical Psychologist and Psychosexual Therapist (CRP 06/118772) with experience in treating adult Brazilian and Foreign clients (individual e couples), in English and Portuguese. Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) Specialist (Institute of Psychiatry, Clinics Hospital, Faculty of Medicine, University of São Paulo), Specializing in Psychotherapy with a Focus on Human Sexuality (Paulista Institute of Sexuality). Member of the Brazilian Association of Psychology and Behavioral Medicine (ABPMC). English Language Specialist: Translation Methodology (FAFIRE), having worked as an English Language Teacher for about 10 years (Brazil and China) and lived with people from different cultures, keeps the PsycBlog. It is a psychoeducational blog with texts, videos, translations and subtitling on psychotherapy and sexuality. Main interests include Psychotherapy, Sexuality, Translation Studies, Foreign Languages, Traveling and Photography.

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