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shutterstock_336669152The first question we should ask ourselves is: “To whom is penis size important?”. When we say that penis size is important, but not saying to whom, we are communicating the idea that different people always like the same things. Do you think this is a realistic thought? Well, the only way to find it out is looking for evidence to support the veracity of this thought. It is easy to see that the issues related to penis size are always in vogue, because there is no consensus on the subject. And the very fact that there is no consensus on the subject highlights the multiplicity of opinions people have about it. A realistic thought is: “Different people like different things”. For example, there are women who end a relationship because their partner’s penis is “small” and there are others who do so because their partner’s penis is “big”. But it does not stop there. Some women end a relationship because they find out they do not like whatever penis it is, and there are others who do so when they realize they do not like sex, whatever sex it is. There are other possible variations. Each person, whether man or woman, has their own sexual preferences, which are unique. Studies suggest that men worry way more than women about penis size.

Scientific data:

Taking this male concern into consideration, a study conducted by researchers at King’s College London (London, UK) analyzed, using standard procedures, data on the length and circumference of the penises of more than fifteen thousand men. Some of the results were as follows: mean length of the flaccid penis (9.16 cm); average length of the stretched flaccid penis (13.24 cm); average length of the erect penis (13.12 cm); average circumference of the flaccid penis (9.31 cm); and average circumference of the erect penis (11.66 cm).  It was also concluded that neither the age of the patient, nor the size of the flaccid penis could serve as criteria to accurately predict the size of the erect penis.

Aesthetic dictatorship and sexual problems:

The research data above backs up the questioning of the standards promoted by the sexual aesthetic dictatorship, which aims to standardize what you should want or not when it comes to sex. In this sense, it aims to promote the psychological well-being of the vast majority of men, since it makes them stop worrying about the size of their sexual organ. Men who do not question these established standards are at risk of – for example, when watching pornographic movies – comparing the dimensions of their penis with those exhibited by those actors. When they do this, they usually come into a state of anxiety and start feeling ashamed during sex. One of the symptoms of anxiety is muscle contraction, which reduces blood flow in the penile area, leading to loss of erection. In case this mechanism of social comparison followed by loss of erection becomes a vicious circle, erectile dysfunction may come into play.

Tips for men:

A tip for men is: the way you perceive yourself is different from the way others perceive you. Different people like different things. This means that even if there are people who do not like your body or part of it, that does not mean that all other people have the same opinion. If some of these people express any dissatisfaction by devalueing what they see in you, remember that these are only “some” people, not “all” of them. Allowing yourself to meet new people increases your chances of finding someone who likes you just the way you are. Value those who value you.

An important point to be highlighted here is that the way you have sex (behavior) has a much greater weight in the sexual encounter than penis size (anatomy), not forgetting the fact that some people prefer smaller penises. Most women, for example, prefer smaller penises for anal and oral sex. Situations in which larger penises hinder the implementation of these practices are not rare. Another important fact is that the clitoris, the female organ of pleasure par excellence, is located outside the vaginal canal. This means that most women do not reach orgasm through penetration, but through oral sex and masturbation. And here is another tip: tongue, hands and vibrator can stimulate the clitoris directly, providing a much higher level of sexual pleasure for most women, than that degree of pleasure that a penis can usually offer. Penetration is just one of the many ways a person can have sex.

This text is merely pedagogical and does not aim to replace a consultation by a specialist. If you have any difficulty concerning your sexual life or your love relationships, I suggest that you seek the help of a psychotherapist who is an expert in this area.

Written by Psychologist Alexandro Paiva.

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