Ejaculating quickly, before you want to, is pretty common among young men, The duration of intercourse and other sexual activity can change as a guy ages and has more sexual experience. Here are the two common techniques you can use to train yourself to extend your sexual encounters:

• THE STOP-START TECHNIQUE: stop your caresses at a stage just short of the point of no return and allow your arousal level to subside slightly (say for half-a-minute) and then return to being caressed and repeat the process of stopping when you feel yourself near the point of inevitable ejaculation again. The difficulty at first is knowing when to stop, but with practice (on your own or with a partner), you can teach yourself a high degree of ejaculatory control.
• THE SQUEEZE TECHNIQUE: just before the point of no return you stop stimulation of the penis, and grasp the tip of the penis between fingers and thumb and squeeze firmly for 10 seconds or so. This reduces the reflex ejaculation response (and possibly the erection too) in the same way that biting your lip stops a sneeze. You can then resume stimulation and repeat the process if necessary.

You can read more about these techniques in the book “PE: How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation” by Helen Singer Kaplan.

Certain anti-depressants may mute sexual excitement, giving some added control. Your healthcare provider can talk with you about whether these prescription medications are a good option for you.

Condoms can also help many men last longer.

While for some men just the barrier of the condom can lead to longer lasting sex, condom manufacturers have created desensitizing condoms (also sometimes called “climax control condoms”). Such condoms have a numbing agent inside of them (usually benzocaine) which is intended to decrease sensation to the penis, and thus help men delay ejaculation.

Some men have skin reactions (itching, rashes, etc) to benzocaine or lidocaine – and a small percentage of men may lose their erection (after all, it is reducing sensation a little bit). Similarly, mentholated or cooling lubricant may also help prolong ejaculation, while warming lube or condoms often increase sensation and blood flow, speeding things up.

If you want to try these out, you might want to do so during masturbation to see what it will feel like for you. And be sure to use a condom to avoid vaginal or anal irritation.

Excerpt from the text Sexual Dysfunction in Men that can be found on the blog.

Inability to get an erection is more common in older men, but it certainly happens among younger men, as well. About half of all erectile dysfunctions are “organic,” meaning they’re caused by some physical problem. These physical problems can be anything that affects blood flow. So your first step is to go to the doctor and get checked out healthwise.

Another cause of ED is anxiety – either about sexual performance or just general life anxiety. The best solution is to learn anxiety reduction techniques with the help of a therapist.

Alcohol and amphetimines may reduce erectile function, temporarily.
Erectile drugs, such as Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis, can help strengthen light erections.  They do not directly cause arousal.

Excerpt from the text Sexual Dysfunction in Men that can be found on the blog.

There are men who find that sexual activity persists and they can’t seem to reach a climax, either with a partner or through masturbation.  This could be a side effect of some medications, such as anti-depressants, but most frequently, delayed ejaculation has a psychological component.  Skilled sex therapists may be helpful in treating this problem.

Excerpt from the text Sexual Dysfunction in Men that can be found on the blog.

Though more often noted as an issue for women, men, too, can lose interest in sex at various times and situations, or feel that they lack sexual desire.  Emotional states, notably depression, can be a factor in lack of libido, as can conflict and stress.

Excerpt from the text Sexual Dysfunction in Men that can be found on the blog.

Dyspareunia is the technical term for “sexual intercourse with pain”. Despite being more frequent in women, this is a condition that can occur in men as well.

Difficulty in exercising control over the search for sex, which may be with one or more partners. There is a failure to resist to the temptation to emit sexual behavior, which is usually harmful to you and others. People who have this problem usually report losses, such as exaggerated financial expenses, loss of friends, broken relationships, problems with work, etc.

Aversion or extreme avoidance of sexual contact with partners. This is a persistent or recurring problem, which usually causes suffering and interpersonal difficulties.

Dyspareunia is the technical term for sexual intercourse with the presence of pain. Pain can occur before, during or after sexual activity. There can be several causes, both physical and psychological, for the occurrence of this pain and physical causes are very common in this sexual dysfunction. Dyspareunia occurs more in women than in men and this is just one of the reasons why it is essential that a woman is regularly monitored by a gynecologist throughout her life. It is worth mentioning here that a man also needs systematic monitoring by a urologist. Psychological causes are also significant and are usually resolved through a process of psychosexual therapy.

Among the physical causes, there are, for example, irritation of the vulva, vaginal opening or vagina, inflammation in the pelvic region, endometriosis, hormonal changes, in addition to other vulvar problems and other health conditions. The psychological causes are diverse and include, for example, anxiety, a possible lack of interest in sex, trauma, insufficient lubrication, etc.

Not only physical variables can lead to psychological causes of pain, but also psychological variables can be aggravated by physical causes of pain. For example, it is possible that, due to irritation in the vaginal canal, a woman will experience pain during penetration. After one or more unpleasant experiences like this, it is possible that this woman will become anxious about the possibility of having sex again. When a woman goes into a state of anxiety, her lubrication tends to decrease. If her lubrication is reduced during penetration and the woman is unaware of other resources to deal with this situation, she may experience pain due to the friction produced by penetrating her unlubricated or under lubricated vaginal canal. This is a possible chain of events that culminates in pain. Several other sequences of events are possible, so that any intervention process needs to be supported by an initial assessment carried out by professionals specialized in each specific area.

Dyspareunia can be classified as primary, which occurs when the woman has this dysfunction since the beginning of her sexual life. It can also be classified as secondary, which takes place when the dysfunction arises after a satisfactory period of sexual life. And it can also be classified as situational, which is the case when the dysfunction occurs in certain situations and but does not occur in others or with certain partners and not with others.

Vaginismus occurs when a woman wants to be penetrated and the pelvic floor muscles, including the muscles around the vaginal canal, undergoes involuntary contraction preventing penetration. The insertion into the vaginal canal not only of a penis, but also of a finger or other objects such as tampons, specula (objects for gynecological examination), vibrators, etc. tends to cause pain and emotional discomfort. The good news is that vaginismus can be treated through psychosexual therapy and luckily it has a high success rate.

In general, women who suffer from vaginismus usually identify this difficulty in adolescence, but, due to the presence of aversive feelings such as, for example, shame, they usually leave this problem aside and only start to seek help later on in life. The search for help usually occurs when these women have the desire to be mothers, when they are asked by their partners to seek help or when they feel the need to have gynecological exams. It is important to emphasize here that the earlier the woman seeks help, the better the prognosis tends to be. The quick search for treatment also prevents women from suffering from having their sex life limited, in addition to having their level of general well-being reduced for years of their life.

Some psychological variables commonly associated with vaginismus include: possible experiences of sexual abuse in childhood; negative rules / beliefs regarding sexuality in general, the body itself (including the sexual organ) and the sexual act itself; religious values ​​that conflict with the experience of sexual pleasure; strict education; traumatic sexual experience; unpleasant medical examinations; difficulty in expressing yourself assertively; relationship difficulty; fear of intimacy; fear that the vagina is too small; fear of feeling pain or being invaded; among others.

Vaginismus can be classified as primary, which is the case when a woman has this dysfunction since the beginning of her sexual life. It can also be classified as secondary, which occurs when the dysfunction arises after a period of satisfactory sexual life. And it can also be classified as situational, which happens when the dysfunction occurs in certain situations and does not occur in others or with certain partners and not with others.

It is important to differentiate vaginismus from dyspareunia (presence of pain before, during or after sex). They are different dysfunctions and need specific treatments. It is possible that dyspareunia develops into secondary vaginismus, because when experiencing pain during sexual intercourse, which can occur for various reasons, the woman may become anxious about the possibility of having sex again. Concern about the sexual act tends to lead to increased adrenaline secretion from the adrenal glands in the bloodstream. When adrenaline falls into the blood, several physiological reactions are produced in the woman’s body and one of them is muscle contraction. This contraction occurs in other muscles of the body, but also in the muscles of the pelvic floor, including the muscles around the vaginal canal, thus producing a possible difficulty with or incapacity for penetration.

During the psychotherapeutic process, different procedures will be worked out together with the client and some exercises will be taught, to be practiced as homework. Such procedures and exercises include cognitive restructuring, relaxation techniques, training to develop assertive communication, pelvic floor exercises (homework), systematic desensitization, use of hegar dilators (homework), sensate focusing exercises, etc. These and other procedures and exercises are used in order to solve the problem, which is usually solved.

First of all, it’s okay not to want sex. Being able to have sex does not mean you have to want it.

If you are in a relationship, a drop in interest can be problematic and stressful.  It could be a signal that something else is going on – in your sex life, in your relationship, or in your day-to-day life.  On the other hand, sexual interest does fluctuate in the course of many relationships, and throughout life.

Here are some things that can affect your level of desire for sex:

• Some women, but not all, experience a decrease in libido from the pill or other hormonal  birth control . This drop may level out over a few months.  One solution is either to use a non-hormonal form of birth control or to try a different pill with a different hormonal mix and strengths until you find one that works best for you. Talk to your gynecologist about this.
• Other medications, such as some anti-depressants, have been shown to affect sexual interest and arousal in some women.  Talk to your doctor if this is a concern.
• Changes in your lifestyle – losing a job, starting a new semester or moving to a new place – can all affect your sex drive. Stress in any form can have a debilitating impact on your sexuality.  On the other hand, there are people who find that they seek sex when they are stressed or anxious.  Either way, the best solution is to learn healthy ways to deal with stress: eat well, exercise, communicate, and seek help when you’re overwhelmed.
• Another thing to keep in mind is that desire comes and goes, like any bodily function. Sometimes you’re hungry and sometimes you’re not. Sometimes you want sex, and sometimes you don’t. Some fluctuation is normal and not necessarily a sign of dysfunction

Excerpt from the text Sexual Dysfunction in Women that can be found on the blog.

Women’s sexuality has taken a complete reversal over the last 50 years, from denial that women even had orgasms to the pressure to have orgasms often and easily from intercourse. (How would some women’s magazines sell without “orgasm” on the cover?). All the same, every woman can have orgasms; and every woman’s orgasmic experience is very individual.

Never Had An Orgasm – For many women, learning what feels good and leads to orgasm is a learning experience.  Whether it’s with a partner or with yourself, exploring what feels good is the first step to building up excitement towards the release of orgasm.  Working towards a ‘goal’ can be pretty un-sexy, though, so take it easy on yourself, and just enjoy the process.  Don’t expect to orgasm with every encounter, but do look for cues on what feels good – where the touching feels best and most arousing, how much pressure feels good on or around your clitoris and other genital areas. (see our Bodies resource page for more specifics…)

Can’t Orgasm in Certain Situations – For many women, it’s all about the right place and time, and the right movement or touch or stimulation, There’s nothing wrong with being selectively orgasmic!

Excerpt from the text Sexual Dysfunction in Women that can be found on the blog.

Persistent or recurrent inability or difficulty to acquire or maintain sexual arousal response. Commonly, women who have this dysfunction report pain on penetration due to inadequate lubrication. This problem causes suffering and interpersonal difficulties.

Difficulty in keeping control over the search for sex, which may be with one or more partners. There is a failure to resist to the temptation to emit sexual behavior, which is usually harmful to you and others. People who have this problem usually report losses, such as exaggerated financial expenses, loss of friends, broken relationships, problems with work, etc.

Aversion or extreme avoidance of sexual contact with partners. This is a persistent or recurring problem, which usually causes suffering and interpersonal difficulties.

Psychosexual therapy, also called sex therapy or psychotherapy with a focus on human sexuality, usually helps individuals and couples to change the course of their lives for the better. Usually the process of psychosexual therapy is done as a couple, but it can also be done individually, because one of the problems of a person may be precisely the deficit of repertoire to estabilish a relationship with a partner. There are several possibilities for intervention, as they vary according to the specific needs of each client. There are individuals and couples who do not have any sexual dysfunction and undergo a psychotherapeutic process, with the aim of acquiring information and / or clarifying doubts on issues related to the fields of sexuality and relationships, including the sexual act itself. There are also individuals and couples who come to the office after having suffered for years the limiting consequences of one or more sexual dysfunctions. During the process, these people will learn to facilitate their sexual function, as they will, together with the psychotherapist, identify and modify dysfunctional patterns, which prevent them from being able to express themselves emotionally and sexually with their partner.

Throughout the process of psychotherapy with a focus on human sexuality, it is possible and even common for other psychological disorders to be identified. When this occurs, these disorders must also be treated. For example, someone may come to the office for an initial evaluation with a complaint of lack of sexual desire. This report alone is not enough to start any type of intervention. It is necessary to check beforehand that there are no other disorders associated with the reported complaint. Imagine that, in this case, the person who has a desire inhibition also has depression. This new piece of information would change the whole scenario, as we know that one of the possible symptoms of depression is the inhibition of sexual desire. If the lack of desire of this fictitious person in the example given is a symptom of their depression, it will be necessary to first treat the depression, so that the sexual difficulty can be treated. Several other combinations of disorders are possible. Each person is unique and, for this reason, each assessment needs to be individualized. These associated disorders also usually interfere with the dynamics of couples. The intervention processes need to be supported by the assessment carried out by the psychotherapist.

In addition to providing other possible benefits, a couples psychotherapy, also called couples therapy, can help to increase the respect, affection and closeness among members of the dyad. The psychotherapist can teach them conflict resolution strategies with the goal of “unlocking” the relationship. This type of therapy can also raise the level of understanding of the partners and create the possibility of discussing conflicts calmly. Couples psychotherapy may or may not be focused on sexuality.

Difficulty experienced by couples, which occurs due to differences they present in the sexual sphere. These can be differences in the levels of sexual desire, in the frequency with which they like to have sex, in the positions preferred by each one, in sexual fantasies, etc. It is very common for this problem to arise, due to inadequate communication. Having sex is not an innate behavior, it is learned, so that each person learns to do it differently. This involves not only actions that take place during the sexual encounter, but also rules / beliefs about the sexual act and the sexual relationship in general. Psychosexual therapy usually helps couples to overcome this problem.

Individual Psychotherapy is a personalized process through which the client will work together with the Psychotherapist, with the aim of not only identifying and modifying aspects of their life that usually produce and / or maintain suffering, but also promoting greater self-knowledge and better quality of life. It is a process that can be indicated for people with or without a psychiatric diagnosis and that usually leads to a better understanding of one´s own functioning and the functioning of others with whom one lives. Individual Psychotherapy may or may not be focused on sexuality.